just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
