Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
