why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
