I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
