I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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