She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
