I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
