Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
