I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
