I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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