she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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