i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
