i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
