She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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