He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
