His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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