I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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