Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
