Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
