You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
