Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
