East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can text with my tongue
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
