Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
