Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
