you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
