Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
