So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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