check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
