I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
