I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
