Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
