Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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