Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just gargled with NyQuil
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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