Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
