yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
