so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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