how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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