every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
