Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
