i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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