something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
