I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
