Where is the hickey?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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