I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You pole danced in your parka.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I currently don't understand fingers.
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