Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i've created a new STD.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
