In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
