I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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