Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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