is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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