just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
