i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You took a bar mat shot.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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