I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
