I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
