No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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