I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
