she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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