WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
