youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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