so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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